Hi,
Looking back at my life, I can say I had many years of internal struggle
and conflicts with people and authorities around doing things I didn’t
want to, and often experienced the difficulty to say No.
On one hand, I wished to do what I wanted, so I’ve often found myself rebelling and then being punished. At school, when I was 11 years old, I stopped doing homework! Later in my life, in the army (which is mandatory at the age of 18 for 3 years, where I live), I did not obey some of the orders.
On the other hand, I needed love, acceptance, belonging and to feel safe, so many times I did things I didn’t want to.
At times when I was in an intimate relationship, I didn’t know how to express my discontent with my partner’s behaviors. In some cases, for a long period of time, I wouldn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt her or the relationship and at other times, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I would accuse her for the way she had treated me.
For the past 7 years I’ve been practicing, teaching and training people in NonViolent Communication (NVC). I feel very much connected with this approach as it helped me see myself and others in a different, more loving way.
When I learned NVC I gained a new set of vocabulary that I could use to express what I have inside.
The NEEDS I had, now could be recognized, connected to and be expressed.
I was more able to express myself in a way that I could be understood and not be offended of.
NVC has helped me understand that
* I always have a choice.
* I’m responsible for my choices.
* I don’t have to do anything.
Everything I do, I choose to do, for some reason, even if I’m “forced” to.
There is a HUMAN NEED behind everything I do,
including the things I wish I didn’t do and the things I did unwillingly.
I started looking differently at situations, at my choices and at other people’s actions.
I could understand my choices better, and the reasons why I was doing what I was doing.
It helped me connect to myself, to know myself better and to accept myself.
Earlier in life, at the age of 24, I somehow became a massage therapist and 3 years later,
a massage instructor and self-employed. Maybe being self-employed enabled me not to
have a boss, not to get orders from anyone so I don’t get in trouble with my superiors
(that I didn’t have). I wanted to choose and decide for myself, to be independent.
I’ve continued learning different kinds of therapy methods and when people came to me to treat a body related issue, many times they have received much more than that – they had a safe place to express themselves, to have empathy, someone who listens and cares about them.
Welcome to Healthy Boundaries
I’ve launched this blog at may 9, 2021 which was my 43rd birthday.
I live in Jerusalem, Israel.
Here I will be sharing my experience, knowledge, insights and the tools of NVC.
What chalenges are you facing in relationships?
What conflicts are you having?
What would you like me to write about?
Send me a message from the contact page.